Life v Death

Wrote this yesterday in class:

Nobody knows my pain.  There is too much suffering going on within me.  I wonder how long I will last...

I wish there was an easy answer to life.  I just don't know where to go from here.  Things are so hard right now...  I just am trying to make it through the day.  Everyday is a struggle.  Everyday I am battling between life and death.  Do I want to live my life or choose death and live my life for someone else?  I can go back to my old life, but that would be choosing death.  I just don't know if I am ready or able to live my life.  It's something I haven't done for so long, if ever, and that is what scares me.  I don't know who I am.  I have been playing the role of someone else for so long, I don't know how I can be myself.  I don't know who I am.  I have always tried to be the person others wanted me to be.  I don't think I ever developed my true self.  I don't know who that person is.