It seems like I can't concentrate on anything these days. This must be how people with ADD or ADHD feel all the time. I will be trying to do a simple task and suddenly my mind just starts to wonder. It's even worse when I am trying to do homework and halfway through a paragraph I am reading I will realize I have no clue what the chapter is about. I really hope that my grades don't suffer. At least I have some easy classes this quarter, only one will really needs my focus when to get the work done. There is just so much on my mind all the time, that it does make it hard to prioritize my thoughts and keep the little things that don't matter out.
Last night, I went out with some girls from school. It was nice to relax with the ladies and have a couple drinks. I think it's important that I try and make friends right now since I know I need the support and Terry got all our church friends and the 4-wheel drive club. Besides school, the only friends I really have now live a few states away. And when you really need someone, I am finding it's hard when there is really no one to turn too. At least I still have the support of my parents and know that I could turn to them at any time of the day and they would be there.
We started talking about who gets what. It's weird. I don't know what I want to keep and what I am willing to let go. I guess I will just have to see how this all plays out. Right now, I am still living in the house and he says he will be moving out sometime towards the end of the month to a place closer to his work. We will end up walking away from the house, which sucks, but there is NO way I can afford the mortgage payment and with the market, we owe more than it's worth. I will try to contact the mortgage company in May to find out my options and hopefully get a little apartment before the foreclosure hits my credit. This is all happening so fast...
I know NONE of this is easy, but you are going to be okay. I promise. It's so hard going through this and feeling so utterly ALONE... but in the end, no matter what friends you have or what relationship you are a part of in the future, you will always just be responsible for yourself. You are such a strong beautiful woman with a heart of gold. I have seen you through the years grow and change and redefine who you are and who you want to be. Be true to yourself.
ReplyDeleteI wish I was closer so we could drink a bottle of wine and sit in the sun, and just be still together. I love you so much, and despite the pain and the mistakes and all the gross stuff that goes along with divorce, I am so happy to see you say 'enough is enough' and to choose your own happiness. In the end, it's so nice to be WITH other people and be loved... but we are the only ones who can truly make ourselves happy and complete. No one else can do that for us. So just keep choosing your own happiness and health. You are one in a million. Love you Amy Jo!
you have my number, miss. use it. i may be little younger, but i can sincerely say that i've seen it all... stay positive. if you ever need anything -- shoot me a text. we can get some drinks and share ideas and exchange advice.
ReplyDeleteall my best,
LA